Wow!! I am getting a raise in my monthly Social Security: $20!!
Don’t know what I will do with all that extra cash.
Google auto-fill on internet searches. I start out: “Great Dane will not …” and Google fills in “lay eggs”
So… people really ask that question??
Someone at Belize Electricity Limited is totally rocking Appliance Killing 101.
Power blipped on and off about 19 times in 5 minutes.
Now it’s off all together.
So is my washer.
There’s no use buying anything in Belize that you don’t use constantly.
If you store it, the crickets, roaches, or rats will eat it. Electronics, the geckos will lay their eggs into it.
Blooming rat ate half my incubator.
(On the dreaded Christmas fireworks)
I think Belize should extend the fireworks for newborns tradition from Jesus to all babies.
Every time a baby is born, at home or in the hospital, family, friends and strangers should come and toss firecrackers in the room with the mother and new babe.
If it’s good enough to celebrate Jesus’ birth it should be good enough for all babies.
It’s the small blessings that count.
I’m sitting there nursing a migraine and a cup of chicken broth when I decide to look up for an inspirational view of the scenery. Well, an inspired Gecko decided to sh*t me squarely in the face.
But it wasn’t into to broth, that’s what counts.
Glad I did not buy a Durian Tree. Just read where they evacuated a library in Australia thinking they had a gas leak. It was an overripe Durian fruit.
Apparently, it smells something like “turpentine and onions, garnished with a gym sock.”
And that is BEFORE it gets overripe.
I got my new Kindle. I hate it. I hate the touch screen. I want my page-turning buttons back. If you don’t touch it just so, you jump a couple of pages. Better yet, you end up looking up the word “the” in your dictionary. Then you have to back-out or back-up. I want to read, not test my dexterity.
I’m not overly concerned with my looks but here is a question to the designers of surgical thread: Which ethnic group were you aiming for with BLUE thread??
It makes the two itty bitty stitches in my face look like a freak show.
I’m sure it’s important that one can see the stitches from a mile away up there in the US. After all, the nurse in the drive-through window at the doctor’s office only has about 10 seconds to remove stitches from whatever body part one hangs out the car window.
Some days I think “I’m too damned old for all of this sh#t.”
Then I find myself nimbly climbing into the bottom tank of my aquaponics for clean-out, and it’s “Hey, at least I’m a flexible too old.”
I hope there’s a special place in hell for the manufacturers of those hard- plastic clam shells where they have to open one every ten minutes with nothing more than a pair of elementary school type scissors.
For all eternity.
I had plans for gardening. They got abbreviated by a wasp that nailed me so good I have three swollen knuckles.
At least that’s my excuse for knocking off early.
Dear trash men:
As always, you are welcome to paw through my trash for that thousand dollar bill and the gold jewelry I inadvertently dropped in there.
Just a little heads-up for you.
My Emma is a big eater. And she has hurled all of it and then some. I put that in the bin.
Oh, she also put a big honking pile of poop on the deck last night.
That’s in there too.
Rain always lets me know when I wore out the soles of yet another pair of fake Chinese Crocs.
Takes about 3 months in my yard.
The nice thing about being single is that my strange nocturnal habits don’t bother anybody.
Between rain of biblical proportions pounding on the roof and my stomach growling I decided I might as well get up and make breakfast.
Skipped the coffee, though.
If it ever slows down out there with the downpour, I might just get some sleep.
10:15 am Laundry line broke under all the big heavy puppy poop towels in the last deluge. Everything full of mud and debris. Laundry back into the washing machine after a hand rinse. Me, back into the shower after the rain rinse.
Time to start the day over.
Word has it that rat poison will cause dehydration in the mouse making it leave the premises in search of water and then die. Apparently, the mouse either did not read the product description or did not fully comprehend it.
It died alright. But it did not leave the premises.
Not only that, it picked a real hard to get to spot for its final resting place.
Something substantial dropped from the ceiling into my hair. It made a little squealy noise when I swatted at it. Well, I launched it to somewhere.
No clue what it was or where it is.
Been living in Belize long enough to not go “eeek” anymore.
I’m currently experiencing the hydranization of my life.
For every one thing I get done two more pop up in need of doing.
I will stay fit well into my dotage.
I walk so much more these days!
I go into the basement to put something away, and get something from the freezer. When I return I realize I forgot the stuff form the freezer. So back down I go.
I go to feed the chickens.
When I’m all the way out there I begin to wonder if I turned the stove off. So back to the house I go.
Besides the obvious health benefit I also don’t have to worry about what to do with all that spare time now that I am retired.
Your freeloading days in my feed cabinet are over! Behold the mighty refrigerator- cum- storage bin!
And so you don’t say I don’t give you anything, I put all my yard chemicals into the old feed cabinet you call your home.
Water company sent a text that there will be service interruption from 1pm to 10pm tomorrow.
Service interruption implies there is a service to interrupt.
More like they are interrupting the usual lack of water during daylight hours with a planned lack of water.
(On the unexpected death of a friend)
Had 4 fish in the clean out tank to be my dinner tonight.
Put them back into the big fish tank to live a little longer.
Enough death for one day.
I do a lot of weird stuff but I guarantee you under no circumstances EVER would I put a banana into my purse.
Yet there it was…happily rotting away.
I’m thinking of dropping my “I’m not getting up unless it’s at least 4am” rule.
Cause really, what’s wrong with 3:30am?
I’m stuck in the house waiting for the air to clear. So much for getting things done early.
Malathion Man is outside.
Let’s hear it for strange nocturnal habits.
I got up to get my usual nice cold orange juice at o’darkhundred hours, only to wonder why the bottle is so sweaty. Then I come to realize that everything is rather warm.
My trusty refrigerator has decided to pack it in after 8 years of service.
How many times have I asked myself why do I run a nearly empty full size fridge in the rental unit?
Well, so glad I do!
As a bonus, for being up I now get to listen to the Howler Monkeys.
If it’s alright by you I would like to go back and skip today.
Starting with the fridge that busted overnight, going through a pretty intense and scary storm & the required clean-up.
And we now have the Flood Flies coming out.
With a heavy heart, I announce the death of my trusty 19″ monitor. It faithfully served me four years in the US and seven in Belize. It suffered for years with brown-outs until it finally succumbed to one massive brown-out from hell.
It took forever but I got it: Wanted to rent a library book from Overdrive that is not in Kindle format. It’s in epub. Downloaded Adobe Digital Edition. You can read an epub with that right on your computer. But I wanted it on the Kindle. So I got ePubeeDRMremoval to strip the DRMS. After that I used Calibre to convert the book to mobi format. Then I loaded it onto the Kindle. In only a zillion easy steps … I can read the book.
Just shoved the last bite of food in my mouth when the Malathion Man came hauling a$$ around the corner, and I had to run for cover.
Tired of cooking. I wish there were a pill that provided me with complete nutrition and a full stomach. Nothing required but to open the pill bottle. I’d buy it by the case.
Is this just a special skill I have in picking ancient tubes of silicone or do you all also end up sawing your tubes open and glorping the stuff out by hand?
Labour Day, USA.
The rest of the world had theirs on May 1. But you moved yours to separate your workers from the workers of the world. Divide and conquer.
Worked, didn’t it. Who thinks of anything but of a Big Sale at shop x?!
Gym membership is for First World sissies.
My helper worked six hours with the chain saw and an axe to remove a huge hardwood stump that I was sure was going to be there until long past forever.
Some Mondays are significantly more mondayish than others.
Space Station went right over us last night. So bright! I waved but I don’t think they saw me.
Just watched it go over again at 5am.
Waved, again. They didn’t wave back.
Gonna quit waving and just wish them well.
The rain last night had perfect timing. It gave the happy fire cracker folks 15 minutes past midnight to get it all out of their system. Then it poured. That stopped all but the most hardy noise enthusiasts.
Good thing Jesus pre-dates the Belizean fire cracker craze.
There would have been a stampede in the stall, likely trampling both mother and child. We would have lost a whole religion before it ever got off the ground.
Most of my life I wanted to be thinner. Now that I am I realize the error of my ways. One little illness and I have no reserves to call upon.
So I put myself on a sit-here-till-your-plate-is empty diet.
Not altogether easy.
Well, that was productive. Went to three stores with my little notepad spreadsheet to get prices for large appliances and furnishing for my rental house. Saved the store where I bought everything for my own house for last.
I gave the man a clear shot at my spreadsheet and he promptly beat all the prices on there. By a fair bit on some items.
Bought everything there, and even got a free blender!
Reminder to self:
Your bloody efficiency keeps biting you in the a**s. Sleep in like the rest of the world and see what the day brings.
Yes, I got all the laundry done at o’dark hundred hours while there was still water.
That was also when the sky was still clear.
Now that I got three loads of wet clothes it’s raining and there is an arctic breeze.
Learn to relax some! Efficiency is no longer an asset.
I’m rich according to this newsy e-mail!!! 15.5 million!!!
OFFICE OF THE US AMBASSADOR TO NIGERIA
11 GARKI ROAD ABUJA
I SHALL BE COMING TO YOUR COUNTRY FOR AN OFFICIAL MEETING ON THURSDAY AND I WILL BE BRINGING YOUR FUNDS OF $15.5M ALONG WITH ME BUT THIS TIME I WILL NOT GO THROUGH CUSTOMS BECAUSE AS AN AMBASSADOR TO NIGERIA, I AM A US GOVERNMENT AGENT AND I HAVE THE VETO POWER TO GO THROUGH CUSTOMS. AS SOON AS I AM THROUGH WITH THE MEETING I SHALL THEN PROCEED TO YOUR ADDRESS. (SEND YOUR CELL PHONE NUMBER AND THE ADDRESS WHERE YOU WANT ME TO BRING THE PACKAGE).
YOU HAVE REALLY PAID SO MUCH IN THIS DELIVERY THAT MAKES ME WONDER. YOU ARE A VERY LUCKY PERSON BECAUSE I SHALL BE BRINGING IT MYSELF AND THERE IS NOTHING ANYONE CAN DO ABOUT IT. CHECK HERE: http://nigeria.usembassy.gov/biography.html YOUR PACKAGE($15.5M) MUST BE REGISTERED AS AN AMBASSADORIAL PACKAGE FOR ME TO DEFEAT ALL ODDS AND THE COST OF REGISTERING IT IS $170.THE FEE MUST BE PAID IN THE NEXT 50 HOURS VIA WESTERN UNION SO THAT ALL NECESSARY ARRANGEMENT CAN BE MADE BEFORE TIME WILL BE AGAINST US. CONTACT MY SECRETARY IMMEDIATELY FOR THE REGISTERING FEE WHICH IS $170 ONLY.
CONTACT PERSON: MR. DICKSON EFE
SECRETARY TO US AMBASSADOR TO NIGERIA.
CALL FOR MORE INFO #: +234 7080847673
AS SOON AS YOU SEND THE FEE MAKE SURE YOU SEND ME THE PAYMENT INFORMATION. MY FLIGHT IS THURSDAY AND I EXPECT YOU TO COMPLY BEFORE THEN SO THAT THE DELIVERY CAN BE COMPLETED. IF YOU DO NOT COMPLY, THEN IT WILL NOT BE MY FAULT IF YOU DO NOT RECEIVE YOUR PACKAGE.
James F. Entwistle
US AMBASSADOR TO NIGERIA.
I changed my mind. 15.5 mil is just not worth going all the way down the hill to Western Union and stand in line. I’ll pass.
Possum playing possum:
“Maybe she will not see me if I just stay draped over the rim of the duck pond with my head in and the feet hanging out.”
Was sicker than a dog yesterday. And so was my neighbor. After days of being smoked out from fires in the valley down below, and from the smell of it also something toxic, that did it for us.
We both had screaming headaches and were hard pressed to stay upright for more than 5 minutes at a time. I also upchucked. Getting our animals taken care of was all we managed.
And the infernal heat yesterday did not help either.
On my feet again today but that hazy, smoky sky without a sign of a breeze does not show much promise for a productive day.
Right as I sit down to eat, someone downhill starts to burn their marly. Now let’s say you were never educated about the toxicity of burning linoleum. That still leaves the question: How can you sit next to a pile of burning plastic with your eyes burning and a smell that gags a maggot, and not wonder if it might be bad to inhale that stuff?
In times of stress I have found allowing myself to flake out is the kindest thing I can do for myself.
I was all in Going-to-Darts-at-Noon mode until it came to actually doing it.
It would involve taking a shower to wash off the garden dirt, stuffing myself into clean clothes, sorting out the dogs, getting the car out into the road, driving cross town in the heat of the day.
So I ate my lunch in the hammock, and I shall now retire for a nap in splendid solitude.
You always see the coconuts with ONE clean cut from the machete where someone harvested the water.
Mine looks slightly more mangled after about 20 chops giving it all I have got.
But I got the water!
For months I have tip-toed around my sewing machine and that great big pile of upholstery fabric. But since no little elves showed up to do the job, I finally broke down and did it myself. Wasn’t rocket science, just miles of straight seams on heavy fabric.
New day cover for the bed, plus new couch and chair covers.
My neighbor bribed the noisy church down the hill rather heavily to take down their crappy outdoor speaker.
From the sound of it, I’d say they invested the money in a superior indoor sound system that does not require an outdoor speaker to blast the neighborhood.
One of the long- suffering neighbors down there just screamed out his door to turn down the volume – which is now louder than ever.
Just when you think it can’t get worse…they put the tone-deaf kid on the microphone at our noisy little neighborhood church.
THAR SHE BLEEEEEATS!
No I don’t gotta love our noisy little neighborhood church… where they think God will answer their prayers if they annoy him enough with their off-key yelling and howling.
At full volume. Using Led Zeppelin caliber speakers.
I hope it won’t take me long to learn sign language and lip-reading.
Merciful Lord! The noisy little church with the ranting preacher and his off-key singing wife spawned a twin on the other side of the valley.
Can’t decide which side is worse.
Could have gone all my life without knowing about Pump Pressure Switch Adjustments, cut-in points, cut-out points etc. But… It’s another thing I learned about, and learned to fix. Thanks, Belize.
I used to make fun of electric can openers. And then I got Arthritis. Now I see the beauty of the project.
But since I only open one can every four days (dog food), I will just suck it up.
I have a tree that produces berries the Chachalacas like very much. And I am happy for them to have the berries.
However … getting royally s##t upon in purple was not the highlight of my day.
Acupuncture. You get stuck with a bunch of needles, and then you are told to lay there and relax for 15 minutes or so.
You must be kidding?
I can stare at a ceiling for about 5 minutes with the best of them but then it has totally exhausted all its charm. Time to get on with the program.
I’m gonna have to summon a lot of patience to get through this.
Oh, Miracle! I found a Cardiologist, Dr. G, to get a Stress Test done. That will hopefully close the book on heart problems for the time being.
Meanwhile the acupuncture continues.
The role of “dead porcupine” is growing on me.
All is good.
The doctor said that the medication to dilate my vessels may give me a headache, He neglected to add the word “Humongous”. On a scale from 1 to 10 this was a 12. And with it, tremendous nausea. I spent the night concentrating on taking the next breath without losing my lunch.
No way will I take another one of these pills.
Want a good fight on a level playing field? Take on your Bougainvillea.
It’s cut for cut, a very even match.
A worthy opponent.
That “breeze” yesterday did a number on my Bougainvillea. Had to do a big trim job today. But it was a fair fight. I would even concede that the Bougainvillea got in more cuts than I did. Hope it grows back quickly.
Had some friends stop by for lunch today, Tuesday.
Unfortunately, my chicken was still frozen when they arrived.
Largely due to the fact that they showed up 2 days early.
Our lunch date is for Thursday.
After the rain I go out to feed the fish in the aquaponics. Now the lettuce is not only organic but also freshly washed. So I stuff my face with lettuce. And on the way to the chickens, I pick a handful of Suriname Cherries as a chaser.
Life is good!
People often post pictures of hard to find food items they discovered for sale somewhere here in Belize. Sometimes I think how nice it would be to have that, but I’m not driving to Belize City just for food.
And then Chrissy posts a picture of CHERRIES. Real honest to God cherries!!! I have not seen cherries in 5 years. For a few minutes there, I thought I might drive to the city after all. But I will get over that too.
Made baked Kabocha squash for dinner. I need to grow that stuff. It’s delicious. Good thing I saved some seeds.
And …what was shaping up to be a nasty flu decided I was not worth the effort and seems to have departed in a huff.
The lawyer who deals with my mother’s estate contacted me. Here I am, trying to craft a sentence in German that does not make me look like a total moron. Speaking German is not all that easy anymore. Writing German, good German, I don’t think I pulled it off.
He must think this apple dropped real far from the tree.
On its head.
Got some nice oil based paint for my new outdoor feed cabinet. Got it painted yesterday. Turns out that in this humidity the paint stays tacky and does not dry as advertised on the paint can.
And then the termites swarmed last evening…. Now imagine what the cabinet looks like.
2am and I was out there at the pond flinging Water Hyacinths and Duckweed trying to catch the noisiest little frogs on God’s Green Earth that absolutely would not allow me to sleep.
Can’t honestly say that I had good night.
Splurged and slept with the A/C on. Had six dogs in the room with me very much liking the idea.
One of the little loud-mouth frogs moved in with the other one. Must not have liked it when I redecorated his pond. So at least they now no longer hold forth in stereo. But luckily the A/C drowned out most of the racket.
I need to put in a plug for “Ocean Potion Skin Care Instant Burn Relief”.
When I set my head on fire – and I can say this was not a planned event – Steve and Elizabeth came to the rescue with this magic Aloe and Lidocaine gel.
It won’t fix all the hair that burned up, but I always wanted curls.
Now I got them.
And what I save on mascara in the next few months I can invest in an eyebrow pencil. On the other hand I never had eyebrows to speak of.
The black tip of my nose will need getting used to, though.
So here is spelling out to Fate what I want:
I want a neighbor I can relate to, be friends with. Qualifications: Must love animals, preferably having dogs not 10 cats (I’m also a bird person); must be an open minded thinker; know how to read; life-long-learner would be great; being a gardener would be nice; somewhat practical would be nice; not being overly fond of loud music, if I may ask for that.
And allow me spell out “open minded thinker”. It is someone who does not think life is only for the fit and healthy and those who subscribe to the same views as oneself. Someone who understands that bad things happen to good people. “Get a job” or “you should have planned better” is not an answer most times. And that the person in need of help should have prayed harder or to a better god is not an answer either. They probably prayed hard back when they fell on bad times. It means having compassion for one’s fellow man and among other things being willing to let one’s tax dollar help one’s my fellow man in need. (If there is a budget crunch, I suggest cutting a little from the military.)
There you have it.
With these basic qualifications everything else will fall into place. All the differences we will have will be what makes a neighborly relationship interesting. It’s the stuff lively discussions are made of.
You think you run a pretty clean ship until you move the refrigerator.
And there goes that illusion! May I just say: Yuck!
Reached a milestone in my life on Facebook:
Got put in time out on the Belize Expat board for making a “rude” comment.
Told a perennial negative poster who left Belize years ago, and who seems to have an axe to grind, to find herself something to do up north where she lives now.
I am not for being all roses and unicorns about Belize, but letting someone who left bitter and unhappy years ago dominate the conversations isn’t helpful to newcomers either.
Harry and Meghan’s wedding: I keep thinking those Royals have got to be experts in wearing adult diapers.
By the time they are packaged in a mile and half of fabric and assorted hardware/jewelry/crowns – “I got to pee” is no longer an option.
And the way those ceremonies drag on – by about hour 5 that lovely smile may be one of relief into said diapers.
What he lacks in talent the church musician makes up in enthusiasm as he bangs out the same three cords for the last half hour. And the congregants sang off key to another 3 cords.
I finally dealt today with that overflowing basket of things I need to look at and possibly do something about.
I put it all into a bigger basket.
Probably should have played the lottery today.
Asked for 25# of cracked corn, and the man brought out a 50# bag. So I sent him back to get the smaller bag.
Paid for an electric cable. Bill came to $76. I give the man $80. He gives me back $13! (And it took considerable convincing that he was off by a fair bit.)
So I took a bath last night.
Boy does a bath use a lot of water! And you still have to take a shower afterwards unless you want to wear the dirt from your feet as a necklace.
As relaxing as it was, I am still a shower sort of a gal.
Got a cute email today:
I’m a member of an international hacker group.
As you could probably have guessed, your account firstname.lastname@example.org was hacked, because I sent message you from it.
Now I have access to you accounts!
So far, we have access to your messages, social media accounts, and messengers.
We are aware of your little and big secrets…yeah, you do have them. We saw and recorded your doings on porn websites. Your tastes are so weird, you know..
But the key thing is that sometimes we recorded you with your webcam, syncing the recordings with what you watched!
I think you are not interested show this video to your friends, relatives, and your intimate one…
Transfer $700 to our Bitcoin wallet: 1PEJXJVQUC7sAynFcYHTsjEWE1F1rXc3ci
I guarantee that after that, we’ll erase all your “data”
A timer will start once you read this message. You have 48 hours to pay the above-mentioned amount.
Your data will be erased once the money are transferred.
If they are not, all your messages and videos recorded will be automatically sent to all your contacts found on your devices at the moment of infection.”
Well …. I’ll just take my chances here …. for starters, I don’t have a webcam … Wasn’t on any porn sites … I have tons of different emails. The one they hacked does not give access to anything at all.
Double Anniversary today:
Today 9 years ago I rolled into Belize. It was a good move, and I have no regrets.
I knew that we fled from East Germany in November of 1960 but only this year discovered the date. It was 58 years today.
It certainly was a good move, and I thank my parents for their courage.
Benign paroxysmal positional vertigo ceases to be benign when you lose you s##t and pitch over.
First time I have it standing up and not when I am lying down.
Time to be more careful.
A lifetime ago, we lived for a while in a travel trailer park.
There was a family living in an Airstream because that was the only place the woman could handle her “environmental allergies”.
Oh, how bitterly we made fun of her!
Fast-forward a few decades, and I find myself getting raging headaches from some pretty common household cleaners.
Walk in their shoes before you judge.
Expensive Argan Oil is created by goats eating the indigestible seeds of the Argan tree, and then depositing them on the ground in turd form to then be processed by humans into oil.
So, it seems alright to eat Breadnuts that have been peeled by ducks who ate the meat of the fallen Breadnut fruit but rejected the seeds.
Or so I’ve decided.
Got my three things out of the way:
My little fridge refused to defrost itself today. I guess it was hinting that I need to get on that sooner.
Then I dropped a bag of sugar in one of those thin plastic baggies, and it busted open. That was fun!
Last but not least my power supply kept beeping. Turns out one of the dogs had gotten back there under the shelf and pulled the electrical plug almost out.
But from now on it should be smooth sailing.
At least for today.
The mayor is wishing us all a Happy Mothers Day.
Via a car with a megaphone on top cruising the hood.
At 5:30 am.
Dear Mothers, so much for sleeping in on your special day.
Is it asking to much that I can cruise relaxed into a vacation?
Does everything have to break first, including my car which is a rather vital component of said vacation? And not being able to get the car parts in Belize was really necessary to give me the complete life experience? Am I wringing too much happiness out of my days and need to be put down a peg?
I now have a rental car- a Lexus.
Moving up in the world.
The most vital feature, considering that I’m in tropical Belize: A button that says “Eject Snow”.
The rental Lexus turned out to be a short-lived joy.
Tooled around town and it started hanging up and then got stuck in 2nd gear.
Now I have a Hyundai Santa Fe. It “has a hard start” – translation – it does not want to start. But once coaxed into running, it does well.
I watched Aquaman.
I don’t think I will spoil anybody’s viewing enjoyment if I give away the plot:
“We have testosterone, let’s turn it into a movie.”
There are three fat vultures sitting in the trees in the lower chicken yard.
They are fat and happy but it seems there’s more there, or they would have moved on.
Not sure what I used to own that is large enough for left overs.
Might have to venture down there and see what it used to be.
Yup. I’m beginning to wonder if I used to own a cow.
June is Early Bird month.
Yesterday my time-zone-math-challenged cousin texted me at 4:30am.
Today someone down the hill celebrated a birthday with fire works at 4am
If everybody orders glorp and a bucket of water – I would make a great waitress.